Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Bad Date Olympics

In honor of my "getting back out there" I'd sure love to hear your favorite bad date stories. You know...to keep my expectations in check.

And for my comrade Barb, I'm adding this:

Harry: It was the most uncomfortable night of my life.
Sally: Oh...The first day back is always the toughest Harry.
Harry: We only had one date. How do you know it's not going to get worse?
Sally: How much worse can it get than finishing dinner having him reaching over pull a hair out of my head and starts flossing with it at the table?
Harry: We're talking dream dates compared to my horror. It started out fine, she's a very nice person, and we're sitting and we're talking at this Ethiopian restaurant that she wanted to go to. And I was making jokes, you know like, "Hey I didn't know that they had food in Ethiopia? This will be a quick meal. I'll order two empty plates and we can leave."
[Sally laughs]
Harry: Yeah, nothing from her not even a smile. So I down shift into small talk, and I asked her where she went to school and she said. "Michigan State", and this reminds me of Helen. All of a sudden I'm in the middle of this mess of an anxiety attack, my heart is beating like a wild man and I start sweating like a pig.
Sally: Helen went to Michigan State?
Harry: No she went to Northwestern, but they're both Big-Ten schools. I got so upset I had to leave the restaurant.
Sally: Harry I think this takes a long time. It might be months before we're actually able to enjoy going out with someone new.
Harry: Yah...
Sally: And maybe longer, before we're actually able to go to bed with someone new.
Harry: Oh I went to bed with her.
Sally: You went to bed with her?
Harry: Sure.
Sally: Oh.

My worst date (thus far) was when I was young and impressionable but um...not THAT impressionable. My sister set me up with the son of a friend. He was about my age and he seemed to develop an instant crush on me. So he called me up and invited me out to do "something." This should have been the tip off, but he'd been talked up a lot, so I decided to give it a shot. He picked me up in his pickup truck and off we went to "somewhere" which ended up meaning picking up his best friend (because first dates are always better with extra people) and we went and saw one of the renditions of Lethal Weapon, I don't remember which. While not much of a date movie, I was happy for getting to look at Mel Gibson for a few hours, which ended up being the high point of the evening. After we left the movie he suggested that we "drive around" which is normal young people entertainment for nearly anyone, so it didn't surprise me. What did surprise me was that for these boys, "driving around" included finding car loads of people of other races, yelling racial epithets at them, and throwing things at their cars. He was shocked that I refused to see him after that. Go figure.

So tell me yours. Pulleeese?


Anonymous said...

Oddly enough, mine also involved unexpected friends and movies ....

After many weeks of screwing up my courage, I finally worked up enough to ask out this splendid and shy university student who was about 3 years older than me that I knew from kareoke at the local bar. To my utter amazement, he said yes!! However! When I met him at the movie theatre, he had one of the other guys we hung around there too! I was mortified, and it put a rather large damper on my courage for a while after that.

Anonymous said...

I met a guy for coffee when my youngest was about 6 months old and still nursing...turns out the guy had a lactation fetish. Um, no.

Barb said...

I had a date with a local DJ one time. He picked me up in the station's "Silver Bullet" sport utility vehicle --you know, the one with slogans and stuff painted all over it? All night long, people kept asking me for koozies and t-shirts.

Um, won't be seeing you again, thanks.

LaDonna said...

I got mired down in details so I ended up with my own blog entry about this! :)

Here ya go!

debra said...

Mine were results of a friend's putting a Personals ad (without my knowledge) in a local magazine. I started getting letters---lots of them. Several were from the State Penitentiary---one guy wanted to sit with me in front of a raging fire.
One guy sounded wonderful on paper. Then I met him. He asked me if I wanted to hug him and couldn't figure out what I meant by, "No."
I went to a restaurant with another, and when I asked the server what was the soup of the day, she replied, "Lethal soup."
When I asked her what she meant, she said,"You lnow, with those little round flat lethals." This should have been a sign. He was the most boring person I had ever met.

Tenna Draper said...

Believe it or not, I haven't really HAD any bad dates EXCEPT one, but it wasn't with a guy---

It was really strange, and before you go thinking that I'm gay or something, please continue to read on.

My sister's cousin and I decided to go to a singles dance. I had a new flashy red car and was free as a bird. I couldn't wait to get back out there, so she and I decided to join forces and find this singles dance place.

Rule #1: always know where you need to end up (directions are good)before leaving the house.

We stopped at a gas station about 2 miles away. I got my requisite Pepsi, and she got a hot chocolate. She set the cup down on the dash while she put on her seat belt, however, that didn't click for me...

Rule #2: Always EAT BRAIN FOOD before going anywhere in a brand new car with brand new upholstery, that can get ruined if you drive away and the hot cup of chocolate falls on the dash.

Rule #3: Don't wear your best cold-weather, cashmere coat either.

Rule #4: Always honor the code, which is--YOU COME TOGETHER, YOU LEAVE TOGETHER. Make sure the other person knows this rule. It is the women's rule.

So we get to the dance, and she finds this nice attractive young man who is clearly NOT divorced, but only separated (and not even legally) and only looking for ONE THING.

Rule #5: Don't go to a singles bar expecting to find honorable single people who know better and stay home!

She hooked up with him immediately, and before I know it, she's asking if he can take her home.

Sigh. Whatever. What the heck happened to rule #4?

So she had him take her home. She let him have his way with her, then he left her the next day, disgusted with himself, I'm sure, but having satisfied his own needs and not caring a thing about HERS...I digress (see Barb?)

In any case, his behavior after that made her cry, and of course, she cried to me. I was still crying because no one asked me to dance--then, came the time when we SAW him AGAIN.

That must have been the second bad date...

She cried and cried, talked to him, cried to him, then came back to me, cried some more.

I finally got irritated with her, and let her know that if she'd honored Rule #4, we wouldn't be in this mess, now would we?

I suppose that makes me a bad friend, but I still think back on those 2 dates, and SHUDDER.

Take a friend with you to call you after 15-20 minutes into the date, say some meaningless crap over the phone, and then if things are good, you can continue the date, if not, you can create an excuse to go home.

Don't ever have somebody pick you up at your house on your first date. Meet them someplace. Someplace PUBLIC. With lots of light and people.

Prepare for conversation--small talk is boring. Know your current events and talk about stuff that concerns you, and try to draw out things interesting to him. Most men love to think you think they're interesting. My experience is that most of them are pretty boring.

If you already know him fairly well, and conversation isn't a problem, you can then open up things like the movie theater, a coffee shop or someplace with open mike night.

Try to stay away from bars. You're not going to find Mr. Right in the bar...no matter HOW interesting he might be. BUT, the bar is a good place (and usually the only one) to go dancing (if you like dancing). but you can also dance at the lodges (Moose, Elk, Eagles) on the weekends, so if your date is one of those, ask if his lodge puts on a dance on Saturday night.

And last, but not least....if they don't call you by Thursday, you've go other plans. Don't let a man know that you'll drop everything just to be with him. The only proper thing to do is to call and make the date by Thursday, so you have time to prepare.

Addendum: If he hasn't called you again in 6 months, he wasn't all that interested.

Yes, I did.

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